On Never Figuring Things Out
Strangely, we often feel as though our real life is the one just around the next corner … or the next … or the next, when we will have finally sorted everything out. We think that around the next bend lies a life in which we will have amended our bad habits, found the perfect partner, achieved a financially stable and secure existence, and be–at long last–content. Real life is not configured to support these ideals. Our real life is the one we are living now moment to moment, and not always that aware of. Sadly, we are more often beguiled into believing that the life of our impressive dreams and ideals is our ‘real’ life.
Much of what we suffer in life is made manifest through this misalignment of what we think our life should be (or could be), and what it actually is. To move back into saner territory it is deeply necessary to be awake and available to what our life actually is, and allow ourselves to experience that without being reactive or overly judgemental. In the absence of such deep experiences there is little opportunity to be enlightened, or to learn. Instead of becoming obsessed with our limited imagination of what we may dream we want, it could be more useful as an exercise to query into what life seems to want.
Getting to know what life wants requires cultivating a deeper appreciation for what we have to work with; taking stock of our actual physical, financial and social realities. As getting to know one’s life takes time, patience and an intention to proceed at a moderate pace are paramount. This isn’t a race we are trying to win, it’s an act of creation, a sacred undertaking. We are learning to live in concert with life in a larger sense.
Thus, listening is a primary skill for sensing what life may be asking of us. If we keep our lives crowded with noise, distractions and busyness, we will never be able to hear the still small quiet voice of our own internal guidance. We each need to be true to our own evolving sense of inner knowing, and this is only likely to happen if we create some quiet space for solitude and reflection.
Ideals can be important sources of inspiration that spring us into action, but enslaving ourselves to them, being too literal about attaining them is sure to backfire in multifarious ways. Holding our dreams and ideals lightly, handling them carefully is therefore something to bear in mind.
Being willing to be led in other directions than the ones we dream about could be the beginning of something that is an unexpectedly better fit and far more rewarding as a result.
Love and courage.